what day is it and did you see me today?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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