Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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