I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize