And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
