every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
