Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
