Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
