That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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