What a fucking waste of an outfit
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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