no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
