So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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