Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
