so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
