my mouth tastes like poor choices
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
