you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
