I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
