come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
