oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize