They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
