I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
