new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
