i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
