I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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