she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
