Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You may now shotgun with the bride
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
