those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
