P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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