so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
