if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
