All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm passing your future prison.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
