And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
