I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
don't judge my taste in strippers
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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