great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
