No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
