I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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