I wanna bring you to show and tell
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
