Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
