There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just googled if crying burns calories
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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