Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
