batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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