also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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