The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
