i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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