i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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