I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
