We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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