Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
