i just made my gag reflex go away.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
