there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I had to cum in my sink.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
