I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I need to calm my uterus...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
