so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
