Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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