oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
