And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
No more Irish car bombs ever.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
