At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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