You're earring is so big in my mouth
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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