Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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