i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
