weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
There's always time for handjobs
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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