All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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