I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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