3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
