; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
