Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize