She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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