why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
